we don't do outreach, we do reach arounds

Folks, 

Thank you again for all the hours of work that I ultimately decided to exclude from the report I just sent to Funding Source. One thing I want to make clear is that the work was good and with alot of strong points. You were focusing however on what could make it better, much better, excellent. So naturally most of the discussion was on the improvement side, both in terms of content, presentation style, etc. These are things that I removed.

You see, this is a really great opportunity to "push" you to get out of your comfort zone and

to be creative in a way you haven't before. For instance, you can use the best ten percent of the data that demonstrate how great this will actually work! You are presenting your work, so doing this is worth it because people will remember you (and thus your work) for it. This takes ALOT of time and effort, but it is something that is once more totally worth it.

Another thing. You must stress what you have done! Don't use the word preliminary! People will think "what has he done?? It's just preliminary" But if it is "Preliminary Final," everything is GREAT! :-)

Like I said, I just sent Funding Source our report. We really need to get the ball rolling on this one (and all other things!). I must ask if you can come in on the weekends and holidays in order to roll the ball some more. If not... we will have to figure something out.

Granted, the proposal is not something we would work on for now (although it would definitely be of interest for me!) but still very cool... It's just something we need to say for now in order to get their paper out.

If you ever wonder how I got in with Funding Source in the first place, just remember:it comes from, it's from papers such as these. Good and "inventive" background reading. ;)

Now, some of you have submitted or cleared with me edits on this document already. Some of you .... have not.

Please do so! clock is ticking (tick tock, tick tock...)

THANKS!!!!!!!!

P.S. Just so you know, this is NOT normal.

-----Original Message-----
From: Nennis, Pacenossis <pacenossis@gmail.com>
Sent: Sunday, September 13, 2015 5:41 AM
To: Source, Funding <gimmedatmoney@obscurecorp.com>
Subject: RE:RE: PN:FW:~!:RE:

The Preliminary Final Report is attached. As you will notice, the proposed technique is fantastic and right "up our alley". Naturally,  we are the best choice for this funding. Here at ___________, we pride ourselves on being the masters of all trades, jacks of none - lack of formal education in a subject can't beat just pushing ourselves as much as possible to do the most we can do, in both analysis and content as well as presentation.(know what I mean?)!


I know it's been a while since we've spoken, perhaps I will see you around sometime. Hope the shit-storm is going alright for you. You are BLESSED to share some of your time  with one of the BEST KNOWN and ALSO the SMARTEST people on EARTH. Of course, I am talking about myself. 


-PN

Those interested in my blog will find this interesting

Good Evening,

I hope my previous eight (8) messages reached you OK. As I have not heard a response from you, I am sending another and have thought alot more about the details of the project.

First off, let me apologies for not being available recently as I have been on sabbatical ever since Dr. Frank Zappa (not to be confused with: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frank_Zappa) published that paper in Nature... I needed to find myself after having everything scooped away from me. When Univision called me up that Tuesday to comment on a recently published study, I thought it would have went better than it did. Turns out, it was the paper that Papuanewguina circulated a few days ago (thanks!). Well...it's not at all trivial to talk to people live through a camera half away around the world, especially with less than a day's notice, and, without any prior discussion on what the questions would even be about (not enough time)! I was certainly nervous (and it shows) but I was told that for a scientist I did really well  - and probably will be more of this in the future. This was before the outburst that led to my required sabbatical... of course.

Anyways, the point I wanted to make is... our group is gaining fame to the point where we are asked to comment on other people's publications - which in its own is an important recognition - even if their work is better than ours in every way!! Keep up the good work! Hopefully one day we will talk about OUR research on camera...

Secondly, please recall that it is always best to include numerous parentheticals in all written communication (e.g. i.e.), and ALSO spoken word.

Thirdly, and I know, I know this catches you last minute - but please consider going to Khristoffkakotalpoulous's  seminar if you can (even late). It was scheduled to begin three days ago, so I hope you all had time to attended and took GREAT notes!! :)

FOURTHLY: Thank you for getting back to me about this other presentation which I notified you about one day in advance; this will help us alot. My only criticism is that somehow you need to show more that it is ours. Apart from the importance of this work, which interests us all...it just doesn't have as high an IMPACT that it could have.

However... We are still working with Dr. Margaret Sarasota to see what makes sense and are nowhere near close to closing the paper. To be honest, this has been a major undertaking that has eaten up all our holiday. It is a joy of course to work with Margaret, because she really gets things done and has resolved all the weaknesses of the previous work, but nothing in the results at this point resembles the original submission. Everything was terribly off. At this point I find highly unlikely that we will need your help.

THANKS!

--PN

----- Original Message -----
#######################
Dr. More-or-Less (ALSO a professor),

It has come to my attention that there was an interpretation or suggestion thereof my lack of response to date regarding you previous email (see below).

I have attached what might amount to an excess of information. Nevertheless, it should suffice the capacity of your previous request wholeheartedly and with good measure (i.e. be enough).

Please let me know if there is any additional degree to which I could bend backwards that would bring you any additional degree of satisfaction.

Much regards, 

Pacenossis Nennis
Contrived Control Networks
CE/F/O, Vice President, HR Manager

Climbing the Mountains

This is great. Iwill be ther at 8.
-------------------------------

Please excuse typos. 

On second thought, don't. I don't really give a fuck. 

------------------------------


2014-08-30 13:33 GMT-04:00 Whoam I <anonymouse@bestfreemail.com>:

I TOO will collaborate on this project. Let me know when it's ready for publication as I intend to contribute nothing tangible.

On Sat, Aug 30, 2014 at 1:28 PM, This Guy <badumtiss@yourmom.edu> wrote:
Mmmfph! Let me know when you set up base camp. There may be some altitude sickness in my future tonight also of course e.g.

-- TG

On 30 Aug, 2014, at 12:48 PM, Pacenossis Nennis <pacenossis@gmail.com> wrote:

In the immortal words of Xiaxyouzhong Chang:

"Don't be weak. Be strong and get shitfaced."

I will embark around 7 or 8pm this evening. This can be negotiated.

ALSO, it would be remarkable (in a good way this time) if you invited others as well.

Also as well,

-- PN

Meet Pacenossis

The Pacenossis Story:
Two decades ago, Pacenossis Nennis, founder of Contrived Control Networks moved to South Florida from Greece in search of adventure. In Miami he became interested in Latin culture, and soon met his future wife, Ludmilla. Ludmilla was born and raised in Mexico City, by an extended family of people who “do science,” and came to the U.S. in search of an opportunity. The relationship flourished, and it wasn’t long before Ludmilla persuaded Pacenossis to visit her home country.

Once in Mexico City, surrounded by Ludmilla’s family and friends, Pacenossis was immediately struck by the beauty of the city’s dense grey smog, tropical temperatures, its vibrant jeans, and its friendly and welcoming people. The couple spent much of the trip on ranches and in tequila bars, and Pacenossis quickly developed an affinity for burritos. When given his first warm, juicy burrito, he was taken aback by how delicious and different it was from the burritos that were available back in the U.S. On the trip, Pacenossis fell in love with great burritos, Latin culture, and of course his wife-to-be, Ludmilla.

Through the years, they went back and forth to Mexico, bringing the country’s popular burritos back to their family and friends in the States; the more they brought, the more they wanted. Pacenossis and Ludmilla recognized an opportunity and began to learn as much as they could about burritos. They travel to several Latin American burrito-making countries such as Mexico, Costa Rica, Panama, Ecuador, Venezuela, Dominican Republic, and Puerto Rico, to gain experience, buy burritos, and forge relationships with cow ranches.

Taking the finest, freshest, most delicious poo-poos possible for all of their valued burritos is a passion Pacenossis shares with several family members and many close friends. Please let him know if you would like to try some of his burritos.

See also: http://www.cafedonpablo.com/meet-don-pablo-2/

On getting the most out of being a Professor (i.e. different from just a “Doctor.”): Top ten nuggets of wisdom

10. Everything I learned about advising, I learned from Yahoo!

9. Deus ex machina produces the best papers.

8. Your time is much, much more valuable than anyone else’s–you’re a Professor!

7. We have soooo much data!

6. Graduate students crave structure, so tell them to which fields of knowledge their theses belong.

5. Project an aura of what you want so you don’t actually have to tell anyone what you want.

4. Sometimes you’re just too important to do the things you’re supposed to do.

3. The best way to advise a graduate student is to interrupt his presentations.

2. Ultimately, a student’s best advisor is himself.

1. Time is money, so send your graduate student on eight field missions.

 

PN

Published in Nature

Wohoo! Congrats folks. This is great news.

Of course, this wouldn’t have been possible without the sacrifice of our lead author, Tilapiapapadoupoulous, who left from their one month postdoc with us a few years ago and obtained British citizenship.

I am glad everyone took the initiative to engage in a discussion during our meetings and tried to assist him in proofing the paper to make sure British English spelling was used where appropriate (i.e. colour), but on the other hand please do not spend more time on this for future papers, because it is not best use of your time.

For those that were not involved in the paper, the results can be summarized as thus: Based on comparing the values of numbers provided from two analysis methods, we find that the ranking of the eccentricity factor applies and the relative ratios don’t change much. This is remarkable, given all that goes into the calculations!!!!!

There were also a couple other papers published recently that involve similar research, that is research rooted in studying the research of research… with a taste for pyrocumulus clouds and their influence on the research techniques, creating a positive or negative feedback on various publications… and it explodes – it’s a singularity.

With all this craziness around conference preparations and proposal writing, I didn't share this latest publication: our work inferring CDFs of randomly generated numbers using fuzzy logic, high-speed, fully-coupled neural networks to infer the dimensions of a cardboard box (7 years ago!). I think you will find this a very nice read, especially the part on the impacts of corrugation on the sensitivity of the calculations.

The third paper is a jewel... it’s a wonderful work in which differential calculus techniques (Leibniz, 1750) are applied worldwide to untangle the tangle. It’s truly amazing and inspirational, and also wonderful.

Anyways, hope you enjoy the read! We will celebrate accordingly in due time (as I will physically will be gone during the next 3-5 weeks – traveling via Amazon’s Super Saver Shipping). This is WONDERFUL everyone, --. You truly, remarkably nailed it.

Also (Papanewguinea): Do you think you can increase the amount of time spent in the lab these days? I know this is closing in finals week, but perhaps you can spend a little more time turning cranks instead of studying.

~I ALSO think this joke was my idea. Also as well.~

People use the models alot

(Credit: http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/04/alot-is-better-than-you-at-everything.html)